Open Memo To All Major League Teams

From the Office of the Commissioner, Allan H. “Bud” Selig:

Dear Teams,

Let me first start by making a simple request; if I mandate something and it is unpopular, please do not tell the press about it. Take some responsibility yourself. However, if I mandate something and it is popular, please direct all media requests and praise to my office.

I’d like to take a moment to clarify some happenings from September 11, 2011. Now some may accuse us of simply looking for profit on this day. I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of a monetary gain from our agreement with New Era, but I can tell you all, the league needs money. But for the sake of explanation, and this is to be the response from all teams, we were trying to present a uniform uniform — The double word is my favorite part of the argument.

I’d like to take a moment to point out New York Mets owner Fred Wilpon. While he has allowed his players to hurt my feelings and throw me under the bus, he did not put up a fight when told first responder hats could not be worn. You should all take note. I can only wish the rest of the league’s owners had the same, healthy fear of my wrath.

Finally, I am thoroughly disappointed with Joe Torre. Mr. Torre was supposed to be able to convey the league’s ban on silly hats with a sense of authority. As one to have worn these hats in the past and robbed baseball of additional profits (neither confirmed or denied) from New Era, it seemed fitting to make him the face of our ban. Yet, Mr. Torre failed to exude the confidence that a message from myself, the commissioner, deserves.

So for future reference gentlemen, we are a business and we do enjoy profit. But when approached by media, we should convey a league approved response. This has been a tough time for me. I have feelings too, and the Mets players were allowed to trounce all over those feelings with the truth.

– Bud Selig, your commissioner and voice of reason